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Tattoo Jokes

Braille Tattoo

Omaha Tattoo Shops - Skin Deep Omaha at 711 North 120th St. in Omaha

“I once convinced a blind woman that I had a Braille tattoo on my penis. Thank god she’s a slow reader.” ~ Michael Kosta

The Middle Man

Omaha Tattoo Shops - Skin Deep Omaha at 711 North 120th St. in Omaha

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and tells the artist she would like two tattoos, one of Robert Redford on her left upper thigh, and one of Paul Newman on her right thigh. After hours of work, the tattoo artist is finished and holds a mirror in between the woman’s legs for her to view.
The woman says,” I don’t know if these really look like Paul & Robert, and I ain’t payin’ for this if it isn’t right!” She tells the artist she will go just outside the business and ask someone walking down the street if they know who the two men are on her thighs, if they answer correctly she would pay the artist.
She soon sees a man walking down the street, so she pulls up her skirt and asks him, ” Can you tell me who the man on my right thigh and the man on my left thigh are?”
The man replies, ” I dunno, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson.” ~ author unknown

Honeymoon Tattoo

Omaha Tattoo Shops - Skin Deep Omaha at 711 North 120th St. in Omaha

A guy surprises his fiancee by having her name tattooed on his penis. In flowing script it says, “Wendy.”

On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis. The husband asks, “So your girl’s name is Wendy, too?”

The guy looks down at his penis and says, “No, once de wrinkles come out, it says, ‘Welcome to Jamaica, mon! Have a nice day.’ ~ author unknown

 

Holiday Feast

Omaha Tattoo Shops - Skin Deep Omaha at 711 North 120th St. in Omaha

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, “I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other.”

The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, “Lady, I’ll do anything my customers want, but I gotta ask, why would you want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?”

“Well, if you really want to know,” she firmly answers, “I’m sick and tired of my husband telling me that there’s never anything to eat between the holidays.” ~ author unknown

The Tattoo the Nurse Found

A biker had been injured in an accident and was hospitalized. Several nurses each had the opportunity to give him a sponge bath and were commenting on his genitals. They all had noticed a tattoo of the word ”Little.” So they drew straws to see who would find out what the whole tattoo said.

The nurse with the shortest straw went into the guy’s room while the others waited in the hall. Suddenly, they heard a commotion, then moans of passion and a piercing scream. Finally, she came out of the room with her skirt up around her waist, her panties around one ankle and a contented smile on her face.

The others ask her what she found out.  “It says ‘Little Rock Arkansas, Big Dick Champion, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997 and 1998!” ~ author unknown

$100 Bill Tattoo

Omaha Tattoo Shops - Skin Deep Omaha at 711 North 120th St. in Omaha

A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.

“Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days.” ~ author unkown

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